Has anyone seen my disability?? Nope??

One of my most popular blog posts was this one when I spoke about what dyspraxia meant for me for the Dyspraxia Foundation's awareness campaign

Since then I've discovered there's more to me than dyspraxia. Whilst that diagnosis back in 2007 made a lot of sense, it still didn't explain everything and left me feeling like it still wasn't the answer.


Anyway, rather than ramble on about all my 'labels' I thought I'd just revisit the idea of what hidden disabilities mean to me:

Being absolutely knackered, from doing absolutely nothing.
Noticing 4 hours after I've left the house that my clothes are on inside out and my shoes are odd.
Repeatedly calling a client 'Lasagne' when her name was 'Lasana'.
Arriving to work an hour late because you work different shifts and you got the days mixed up.


Having mixed feelings about the day ahead - being super, run around the house and spin around in circles excited about your plans, but at the same time contemplating which would be the best way to kill yourself .
Having so many great ideas about what you want to do with your life, but forgetting them all before you get to write them down.
Starting to tidy your house but an hour later things are more in a mess than when you started.


Wearing odd socks everyday because it's easier that trying to match all my socks up.
Wanting to have friends but not wanting to socialise.
Buying a house with a garden so that you can spend time outside, but not wanting to go outside in case the neighbours can see you.
Loving the cinema, but not ever going because it hurts your ears and you hate sitting with so many strangers.



I just want to you to know that you're not alone, and not the only one out there that feels that way. I'd love to hear what your hidden disability means to you in the comments section below.

What do you mean, you can't see my disability?

xxx

Yes, my knickers are supposed to be inside out

Ever wonder how you get to the end of the week in one piece?

Feeling things weren't quite right at work yesterday I toddled off to the loo to find my knickers were inside out (in fact they still are as I type this, fancy!). Not quite as bad as the day I realised I didn't actually have a limp but that I'd got odd shoes on. 

Reminds me of all those occasions I've got my son home from school to find he'd had no underwear on all day. Luckily he's been dressing himself for some time now and does a much better job of it than me.

Some days its just harder to get your shit together than others. So for those days I keep a drawer full of stuff at work:
Hairbrush
Deodorant
Dry shampoo
Painkillers
Spare meds
Cash
Porridge
Phone charger
Nuts
Tissues
Tea bags
Vaseline
Hand cream
The list goes on... my work colleagues think I'm crazy.

I only use the stuff occasionally* (mainly because I've got a butt load of stuff in my handbag and coat pockets too!) but it's helps calm me down on those days I just haven't got it together on time.

The one thing I'm really bad at remembering is my meds, so I've got some of everything I need in all the important places- work, home, the car, my handbag.  That way I've nearly always got some to hand. I find this a real good way to compensate for poor memory.

How do you cope on a day to day basis with being so forgetful?

*who am I kidding, I'm rooting through that drawer on a daily basis!

You've gotta outrun the slowest one, unless you're really tasty

Anyone else get the urge to run like hell when they see someone else running? No? Just me? Surely not!

Ha yesterday I was walking into town with my son from school when this guy came running up the hill from behind us. "Ruuuunnnnn" I yelled as I started charging up the hill after this guy. So there we were, me and my son legging it up the hill past all the shops after this guy, my son looking at me in horror. I figured I better put this all into context for him, wanting him to know the seriousness of the situation.

"We just gotta outrun the slowest guy"

With that my son turned around and seeing no one behind us stopped dead in his tracks, and the guy in front ran into the estate agents. My son just stood there with that look on his face. You know, that same look the cat gives you when you crawl around the floor after him meowing. A mix of disappointment and pity.

Jeeze what is with kids these days. If some guy comes running past me I'm not about to wait around to find out what the crap he is running from. You've gotta outrun the slowest person, unless of course they're super skinny or you are super tasty looking.

For the record, it may have been a tiger. We live near a zoo. I'm not taking any chances.

I couldn't find any pictures of our tigers so you'll have to make do with this little fella I snapped the other day. Just pretend he has stripes. And a big tail. And says grrrrr a lot.

Grrr I'm a tiger. Promise. 

More like a strong cheddar that's been left out of the fridge

Aggr the last few days have been hard. Like hard cheese hard. Today has been especially tough.

What do you guys do on the bad days?

I'm thankful right now for the curry I just found at the back of my freezer  (I could kiss you, past me), my pyjamas, and my furballs for just being their daft crazy selves. Tuesday is one of my favourite nights on TV at the mo too (Goldbergs and tattoo fixers!!) I'm proper going to indulge,  may even invite some chocolate to the party and go crazy!

So yeah, just a short one off me today reminding you all that some days you just have to slow your shit down and take care of yourself.

Have a good night, from me and mooncat x

Your balls are too heavy, once is enough thank you

I voted for one game. We got two.

Ten pin bowling people, it's a love hate relationship for me. I love playing but my bendy limbs and poor co-ordination don't fare for a good score. The first game is always better that the second (100 - 84 and that was with bumpers). By the time I've rolled 20 balls down that slippery ally my body has had enough and it just goes downhill from there. Towards the end I was just flailing and dropping the balls. Like a drunk person. Except I was drinking tap water.

One good thing happened though - they let you wear your own shoes now!! Score!! No more wearing shoes that a bazillion other stinky feet have sweated into. No more burning my socks as soon as I get home.

Bowling is just one of the many things I love to do but suck at/find painful/ simply can't do well.

What do you love but struggle at?

I didn't take any pictures at bowling, I was too busy showing everyone that I could fit a ridiculous amount of stuff into my dungaree pockets. So here is a picture of an extremely germy gecko in the food place we went to after bowling. As if I'm going to touch your gecko and die from all the human germs living on there. NICE TRY PERSON!

I will not touch your germy gecko. Nice try! 

I'm just left with dead bits

Aw man, I'm no good at plants!

Why what have you done?

Snapped the only bit that was alive off. Now it's just dead bits. Aggr I can't do plants. I'm bad at plants.

You're missing something

What? That I'm really shit at plants

No, that sentence is missing something 

That I didn't get taught plants because my mum is shit and kills plants too?

No, like a doing word

OK, I'm shit at doing plants

No, like a noun or a verb, which one means a doing word?

I don't know, I think I missed that day at school. Like I either wasn't there, or probably was just thinking about something else

Me too

You'll have to ask our son. He knows everything.

Yeah, he does school

Maybe if I just put this bit in there it will grow back

Yeah, maybe 

I'm a vending machine for poor cats

Humans very often think they’re the more intelligent species. But come on, are we really?

Take my cats for example.

I go out to work each day, come home, and they’re like purrrr purrrr look at me, aren’t I cute..blah blah blah…and cuddly…and sweet. Yeah, now feed me. I want food. Then BAM, I just give it to them, they don’t have to earn it. I’m like a vending machine for cats. Not even a good one at that as I run on a loss. I’m like a vending machine for poor cats.

Let all the stray cats in your neighbourhood know. I give out food for free. Please form an orderly queue.

Whilst I’m on the subject, anyone else’s cats get a bit bitey if they don’t get fed when they want it? Quite specifically around the ankles. No? Just me? Great. Piranha cat. I have a piranha cat. 

Cosmo the piranha cat

Maybe I should just stop talking

Do you ever go to speak, or you're mid sentence and you just have a brain fart and a load of non coherent garbage spews out of your speakhole?

You're one of the lucky ones if you even realise what you just said made no sense whatsoever. Or if the person you're with is drunk enough not to realise what you just said.

The trick is just to hold your head up high and carry on like it didn't happen. No sir I did not just ask you to file the cupboard from the collects. That would make no sense at all. And I definitely did not just ask my son to hands his soap because the oven is in the dinner.

Those puzzled looks you get? That's just wonder in amazement at your brilliance. You've created a language of your own and it's so awesome you're just replacing the English language with it.

Processing disorder for me comes and goes. On a daily basis I don't tend to notice too much, and I can even laugh at some of the stupid things that come out of my mouth when I do. It can be crippling at times though. Especially when you have something important to do like an interview or a presentation.
I find practice (and copious amounts of alcohol) can help a lot. Learning what you want to say off by heart helps to reduce nerves which is when my mouth can really have a mind of it's own. Stress really sets it off and can even prevent me from speaking full stop. It's like someone has borrowed my voice* but forgot to send me a memo, or I ran out of voice battery.

I know a lot of you will get what I'm saying. It can be pretty lonely, frustrating, and soul destroying (especially when you're in the middle of an interview for a job that you really really want - yup been there done that). It has certainly taken it's toll on my confidence.

A few things have helped me lately when I've had what I like to call a brain fart.
Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths. Press that reset button**. And start again.

You got this.

*how awesome would it be to be able to borrow someone else's voice for a few hours. Dibs on Morgan Freeman!

**location varies between models

My memory is like a sausage. The worst.

Having a bad memory totally sucks ass. I think of really cool ideas all of the time but before I can do anything with them, poof*, they're gone.

I got asked the other day to set up a security question on one of those forms you fill in when you're creating an online account. You know the ones where you choose a question and tell it the answer in case you forget your real password (which is like every single time). The ones where you don't give the real answer because you're sure that if you ever have to answer the question on the phone that the person on the other end is going to think you're a complete crackpot. So you put a more 'normal' answer but the problem then is when you get asked the question you can't remember what your 'normal' answer was.
Anyway the question was, what superpower do you wish you had? There were the usual options, flying, invisibility, immortality...but you know what I wish I had? A good freaking memory! That would be a great thing to have. Make my life so much easier. Like the ability to think of something and then recall it 5 or 10 minutes later. The ability to walk in a room and know why the hell you're actually there. The ability to make a phone call without having to write everything down that you want to say beforehand so that you don't forget what you called up for the minute you start talking.

But now I'm thinking my memory maybe isn't the issue. Maybe my memory is a perfectly acceptable memory, it just can't keep up with how fast my brain goes. So if I'm wishing maybe I should go for a slower mind. Nah, that sounds dull. How about the ability to play my mind back, like I can with the TV?!?!? Holy crap, that's it. Playback mind!!!! That should have been my answer!!!!***

Now would someone like to show me how to replay my mind so that I can actually remember what the crap this post was supposed to be about. Because I know I had a plan but I can't for the life of me remember what I set out to write!

Anyone have any good tips for remembering really cool ideas?


*that's the sound of something really cool disappearing. He're a cracking example...I knew exactly what I wanted to say next up there after this sentence but I've spent so long spelling disappearing right that it's gone. The idea has gone. And I know it was a really good one. (and you can't disprove that because neither of us knows what it was, so I win. I'm the cleverest and the bestest. Except that I'm not because my memory would be great if I was and it's not, so I'm not.)

**(right now anyway, the thought has only just come to me if I'm totally honest - I wasn't going to be, I was going to claim that this is something I've been thinking about for a while to make it seem like I have more normal thought processes, what the actual fuck??? Jeeze it's hard work in my head)

***I put flying. Not only was it top of the list, but I do actually quite like the idea of flying. Like a bird. Like a big giant bird.

Overthonking, like overthinking but being in the know

Am I the only one that thinks my cats can understand what I'm saying and can read my thoughts?
I'll call one over to the sofa and then feel bad that the other one will think I love this one more. So I make a big deal of telling the other cat that they are welcome too but that they're probably better off where they are next to the radiator because it's warmer. But now the other cat is going to be thinking that I'm just saying that so that she won't come over as I don't really want her to sit with me, and the cat on my knee is thinking h's not good enough because I'm trying to get the other cat to come sit with me instead. I seriously overthonk* things.

I often think my husband can hear what my head voices are saying too. I've tried to test that theory on a few occasions by saying something really gross or awful. He never even flinches but I thinks that's all part of his game.

*that was a typo but I left it because why not? Overthonk is a way cooler word than overthink. It's like overthinking, but for crazy people who know they're overthinking but still can't stop. World, you're welcome.

Have my lips, I put them somewhere safe

I’ve spent some time lately wondering what I’d look like without lips. I’d like to think that if I was to lose* them I’d be ok. I look like a cross between my son trying to look ugly and a startled version of me. My husband isn’t so convinced. Its ok, he’ll come round with time. I think I’d look better with a fringe if I had no lips though, would help to make my eyes pop. They need some help if they’re going to compete with the in your face sight of my wonky gnashers.

*I’m not sure how I’d lose my lips, I’m not suggesting they’d just fall off, but perhaps I’d take them off at night like some people take their teeth out and put them in a jar. The mistake would then be to put them ‘some place safe’ because we all know that’s code for ‘never to be seen again’. For the record, I think some place safe is the same place that socks and tupperwear hide. Not the lids though, I have a bizzilion of those bastard lids. 

A vagina can't kill a spider

Things I've learnt today:

No matter how hard you try, some people can’t be helped. And some people are just complete and utter dick heads. Yes the latter. Definitely the latter.

You can’t wear dungarees to work without being paranoid every time you go to the loo that people are going to think you are doing a number 2. Those things take time to get on and off people. It involves layers, and tucking, and buckles. Too much clothing related stress. Better to keep it in and limit toilet breaks. At least wait until you need a number 2 and make it worth your effort.

My bum itches sometimes. And it doesn’t have to mean you have worms. Just to clarify I don’t. Do I?

Not everyone is ok with you saying the word vagina to them. There certainly is a limit to the number of times you can say the word vagina to your 11 year old son in a row before other people in the coffee shop look at you funny. For the record that number is 16, but by that point the words were merging into one long noise so I really don’t know what their problem was. You also need to choose carefully who you say vagina to at work. They don’t so much like it either. They look at you with that disappointing frown like you just spat at them or killed their favourite spider. 

VAGINA!

Hating suprises

A few Christmases ago I had a bit of a meltdown over a gift from my parents. To anyone on the outside I guess I would have been comparable to a spoilt toddler having a tantrum because she didn't get the toy she wanted. My mum didn't take it personally though.

To set the scene for you, I'd just made Christmas dinner for the whole family for the second time not having learnt my lesson the first time round that the stress of cooking a 3 course meal for 8 people, and the burns and mess were simply something I shouldn't volunteer to put myself through again. But hey if you listen to anyone round here I'm stubborn.  

My mum handed me the gift - I hate gifts. Or at least, I hate things I haven't specifically asked for. So I open this gift, it's a pair of socks. They're soft, cosy, fluffy. I love soft, cosy, fluffy socks. But Oh My God. I put them on. Aggrh the discomfort. The seams. The unusually long length. They feel just soo wrong. I try to keep them on and show thanks but the stress and discomfort is unbearable. I'm walking around in these socks, crying and laughing at the same time. It's ridiculous that socks can make me cry. 

Luckily my mum was laughing with me. She knows what I'm like. She still tries to buy me surprises occasionally, knowing full well I'll probably freak out. I know she means well but Oh My God I hate surprises. 

Claire x

Tackling clutter when you're unorganised

We're on a roll......

These past few weeks has seen us sorting out our finance, but we've also started to get rid of all the clutter in the house. I love, love, love this. I am super untidy and Mr H is a massive hoarder so I'll leave the state of our house to your imagination! Having less stuff in the house though certainly helps me - apart from the obvious that there's less to keep tidy, it's also that sense of calm that comes from having less stuff around. We've done this in a number of ways and we're still going!

After watching this TED talk  I was inspired to get up the next day and spend half an hour clearing out 3 huge bags of stuff from the bedroom that I hadn't touched since we moved into our place a year ago. Without a word of encouragement* Mr H joined in and filled a few more bags and loaded the car up and off we went to the charity shop and the recycling center. It felt great. We'd actually achieved something. I hate they way us humans feel the need to have so much stuff. I think we could easily get rid of half the stuff in our house and still be just as happy, if not happier.

The other thing that has helped massively is Mr H decided to sell some of his 'might be worth a bit in the future' toys that were filling the loft and that made a few pennies on ebay. If you struggle with this type of thing try and get a family member or friend to help you. Maybe you can offer to help with something that they're not so good at in exchange for them selling some of your things that you no longer want.



Its all a process

Whilst this is just the beginning of the process I feel really positive about what we've been doing. Some of you guys are probably doing bigger and better things but I'm happy with where we're at. I've tried to tackle our clutter before but always felt so overwhelmed that I've let it slip very quickly, or in some cases not even known where to start. Little and often is the key. Don't see these things as huge jobs that need doing right away, see them as a process of changing the way you do things. Break each task down into small manageable tasks and only when you've achieved one do you go on to the next.


I'd love to hear if any of you are de-cluttering? How do you tackle big overwhelming tasks?

Claire x

(*come on guys we all know I mean nagging)

Hating the feeling of make-up on your skin but not being brave enough to go barefaced to work

Feeling stupid when everyone in the meeting is laughing at something someone said but you don't understand why they are laughing

Working really really hard to keep up at work but being told by your boss you're not working fast enough over and over again

Trying to explain to your employers you struggle with certain things for them to label you as lazy like every employer you've had before them

Going hungry at work because you left your lunch on the table at home with your purse next to it, again

Getting huge headaches day after day because you told your employer you have a problem with bright lights so they moved your desk right under a fluorescent light

Putting up with comments about the way you look from the men you work with because you can't think of what to say when put on the spot

What does dyspraxia mean to you?

Claire x

Taking control of your finances

Money, money, money

If you're anything like me you won't be the best with money. I've tried time and time again to 'be good' when it comes to controlling my spending and to try and get something into savings. Having started a job in the debt advice sector it's made me really analyse our spending habits as a family and basically has been a huge wake up call about how bad we are with money. Not only did we have no savings we'd also been overspending each month and piling it on credit cards. So after a mooch around the net and stumbling across Mr Money Mustache (seriously love this guy!) I'd found my latest obsession - sorting out our money situation.

So we've gone all guns blazing on trying to pay off this debt we've got hanging around like a bad smell. Looking at our spending habits over a couple of months was a SHOCKER! I recommend you all go do this (but be prepared to be horrified!). We certainly were when we realised aside from our mortgage our biggest outgoing was on food and eating out, spending a few hundred pounds each month on restaurants and coffee. Ouch. The easiest way I found to do this was to split our spending into main headings such as food, transport, eating out, clothes.... and working through our bank statements total up the spending for each category.

Time for a kick up the bum

The first logical step was to start out by doing a budget that included all the essentials that we have to pay for:

Essentials:
Mortgage
Building & contents insurance
Landline & internet
Food
Mobile phones
Pet insurance
TV licence
Council tax
Car insurance
Fuel
Car Insurance
Mr H's car HP - this ones a bummer, it's not something I wanted him to get in the first place but he's tied into it now so we just got to suck it up and pay it
Little H's sports clubs - most of these double us a childcare now that I'm working

Then we added in a couple of things that although we're essential, we really didn;t want to get rid of completely:

Non essential:
£50 a month allowance for social/entertainment costs
Little H's pocket money - he has to do jobs for this and only gets it on the agreement he puts half into his savings account
Clothing - we haven't set an amount for this but realistically things need replacing now and again like little H needing new school shoes this month. All non essential clothing costs have gone though, we're making do with what we have.

Next up I opened us a joint bank account that we have all our bills going out of and then use a 0% cashback credit card to do all the food shopping which we then pay off in full on payday.
So on pay day I transfer most of our wages from our accounts into the joint account. The only money we leave in our single accounts is fuel money Mr H, and a little in my account to cover pocket money and sports clubs. Anything left over after this goes on paying the debts off and some goes into our savings account for things we know we have coming up like birthdays, Christmas, & school trips.

Our first steps to being debt free

It's been a couple of months and so far things are going great. We've paid off nearly £3,000 in debt and saved just over £1,000 (this may seem strange but we're off to New York next month as we'd already booked and paid for it before deciding to go on a spending freeze).

At this rate we're hoping to be debt free in the next 6-8 months and then we can really ramp up the saving. I'll keep you posted.

Are you good with money or do you find it hard to control your spending?

Claire x

Job hunting with dyspraxia

Wow you guys! I'm totally amazed at how many of you stopped by to read my post about what dyspraxia means to me. It's clear to see that dyspraxia affects a whole bunch of you all around the world to some degree. So I want to say a big thank you to you all, you're fab.

As the post was so popular I've been considering writing more about living with dyspraxia. I already posted my tips for trying to keep a tidy home here.

I've not posted in a while as I started a new job earlier in the year so it's taken a while to get my act in to gear! Finding work and starting a new job can be hard enough for most people but with a hidden disability like dyspraxia things can be, well, a tad tricky I guess.

In all honesty I'd love nothing more than to be able to just find something I'm good at that can bring in enough money so that I don't have to work for someone. It would make my life so much easier and I'm sure many of you can relate to that. Unfortunately I'm yet to find that something so I'm battling on in the world of employment. I won't lie, it's not easy. Its a struggle some days and my current employers seem to have the same lack of understanding that all my previous employers have had when it comes to hidden disabilities.

To any of you currently looking for work, keep at it. I had so many applications ignored and rejected. My biggest knock back was when I interviewed for a job that I desperately wanted at a charity I'd worked for before. The interview was with a girl I'd worked for and knew, and they were well aware I had dyspraxia. What unfolded in the interview room was confidence shattering. The questions were so long winded that by the time the interviewer had finished asking them I couldn't have told you what she'd asked me for toffee. By the end of the 40 minutes having asked her to repeat most questions at least twice I was stumbling over my words and struggling to get any coherent sentences out. It was not a pleasant experience and certainly not one I'd like to repeat but hey if someone wants to treat me like that in an interview then they sure as hell don't deserve to have me work for them.

To any of you having similar struggles - don't let it get you down. Anyone would be lucky to have you work for them. You are amazing and unique and whilst you struggle with some elements of life, you sure do make up for it in other areas.

If any of you have any specific questions about applying for jobs or doing interviews then ask me in the comments below......

Have a great weekend,
Claire x

Kind resolutions

I must admit, I'm not one for making New Year resolutions. Up until a couple of years ago I'd set the same ones each year (lose weight, try harder, be tidier, have more friends.....). I'd never stick at them, and feel even more rubbish than I felt to begin with. I found an old diary when we moved this year from when I was only 9 years old with a couple of pages filled in. I had one of those moments of clarity when I read it and felt really bad for my younger me. I was so horrible to her. I'd basically written that I was fat and needed to be tidier and less clumsy. I also felt sad that I wasn't given the help I needed and was criticised for things that were entirely out of my control and made to feel that I wasn't good enough.

We put so much pressure on ourselves to be 'better' people, to be different people, that we don't always take the time to appreciate and love who we really are. Do I wish that I found things a little easier sometimes? Sure. Do I wish I wasn't so clumsy, or bothered so much by noise? Hell yes! As I've gotten older though I've learnt to appreciate my good qualities and my uniqueness too. Dyspraxia makes life hard enough at times as it is without beating yourself up over it. It doesn't feel great when other people make fun or are mean to you so why on earth do it to yourself? Madness!

So my resolution this year is simply to continue to embrace my uniqueness as much as possible and to be more kind to myself. Whether you're one for making resolutions or not I'd love for all of you to share this one with me. I also resolve to raise awareness of dyspraxia (hell the spell checker on my computer doesn't even recognise it as a word!) so that each and every one of you gets the support you deserve and that you all believe how awesome you really are.

Hope you guys have a great time bringing the New Year in tomorrow whatever you are up to. I shall no doubt be spilling my drink down me and tripping over my own feet but luckily for me everyone else will no doubt have had one too many and will be joining me for once. See you in 2015.

xxx

Love that #4

Monkey it to me. How ace would these look on a night ride and anything that makes you more visible on your bike gets the thumbs up from me.

MonkeyLectric

Without keeping my ears covered up half the year I get instant earache. I've got a fluff lined headband similar to this cute one that I wear all winter. Great for keeping your ears covered without your head getting too hot.

Fat Face

Amazing tape for space lovers.

Fox & Star

I really should wear more yellow and more skirts

H & M

Ooh I have a thing for pretty bikes. Meet the Bobbin Birdie. 

Bobbin Bicycles

Hope you guys have a great weekend xxx

Dyspraxia means.......

Dyspraxia Foundation

Wow you guys, I am totally blown away by all the positivity that my post on the Dyspraxia Foundation facebook page got. Earlier this week I told you guys about the charity's campaign to help raise awareness this Christmas (and hopefully some cash!). It took me a couple of days to pluck up the courage to add my photo to their site. I mean, it was a pretty big deal to just put myself out there and I wasn't sure I wanted to expose myself quite like that. I certainly didn't expect it to get shared quite so many times and I'm not sure what it was in particular about my post that was so popular but I'm so pleased that I was brave enough to do it and that it might help to make even just a small difference.

I know when I'm finding things completely overwhelming and everything is getting on top of me it's just nice to know that there are others out there who get how hard it can be sometimes. So this my friends, is for each and every one of you.

Dyspraxia means.......

Being covered in bruises constantly because you literally did walk into a door or opened it into your face.
Sounding like you're drunk when you haven't touched a drop because you leave half the words out or say them all wrong (and not knowing you've done it most the time).
Struggling to stick at anything.
Being obsessive over whatever your latest passion is.
Not having any close friends and being sad about that.

Having a messy house and losing things all the time.
Getting overwhelmingly upset every birthday and Christmas because you hate receiving presents, it fills you with dread.
Trying for years to learn how to knit and not wanting to accept that your bendy fingers are not going to ever let that happen.
Trying to hold it together and eventually burning out.
Having really low self confidence even though if you met met someone like you you'd think they were really cool.

Rerunning conversations you've had over and over again in your head.
Only passing your driving test first time because you got lucky and they didn't ask you to reverse around a corner.
Getting stressed out because the table you sit at in the coffee shop is taken and you'll have to decide which of the other 20 tables to sit at (clue, the answer is non, it stresses you out so much you get a takeout).
Writing down or discussing in your head what you want to say before you speak to someone because otherwise you forget what you wanted to say or can't think of the words to say.
Hearing annoying noises that no one else is bothered by and being woken in the night because your neighbour dared to cough.

Not being able to shut up when you get talking to someone and worrying about it afterwards because they must have been really bored and thought you were stupid.
Having a constant headache because you're really sensitive to light.
Being afraid of doing new things or going to new places because you don't know what will happen or if someone will speak to you, I mean what will you say?
Having to have you hair cut off because you can't judge distances and you sat too close to a candle and set yourself on fire playing Jenga on Boxing day when you were 15.
Feeling stupid in conversations because your brain hasn't taken in half of what the other person has said.

Not buying any decent glasses or plates because you know you are going to smash every single one of them.
Giving yourself concussion because you were determined to go mountain biking with your husband and you rode yourself at high speed straight into a tree.
Getting off the bus a mile from where you live because you were too busy running over in your head the last conversation you had that you missed your stop, and the next one, and the one after that.
Not realising until the age of 26 that the words aren't supposed to jump about all over the page or disappear completely.
Over thinking this post and rewriting it over and over and over......

But dyspraxia also means.....

Going to uni as a 'mature' student and graduating with a 1st even though you haven't done anything since your GCSE's and you've felt stupid your entire life.
Giving your all to everything you do and wanting everything to be perfect for everyone.
Always thinking about other people and being kind to them.
Giving amazing homemade presents to your family at Christmas that you've spent weeks making because your favourite part of the holidays is giving.

Caring. A lot. About everything.



I could go on and write pages and pages of what dyspraxia means to me. I hope that in sharing this it will encourage others to do the same so that we can raise awareness and help future generations. I'd love to hear what dyspraxia means to you. If you'd like to take part in the campaign head over to the Dyspraxia Foundation facebook page and get posting.

xxx

Oh, and on a side note. Whilst I was busy writing the sign and taking the photo for facebook I managed to set the smoke alarms off and totally cremated a couple of poor fish fingers that I'd put under the grill and totally forgotten about. Oh the joys of getting distracted! Just waiting for the day I burn the house down.