Yes, my knickers are supposed to be inside out

Ever wonder how you get to the end of the week in one piece?

Feeling things weren't quite right at work yesterday I toddled off to the loo to find my knickers were inside out (in fact they still are as I type this, fancy!). Not quite as bad as the day I realised I didn't actually have a limp but that I'd got odd shoes on. 

Reminds me of all those occasions I've got my son home from school to find he'd had no underwear on all day. Luckily he's been dressing himself for some time now and does a much better job of it than me.

Some days its just harder to get your shit together than others. So for those days I keep a drawer full of stuff at work:
Hairbrush
Deodorant
Dry shampoo
Painkillers
Spare meds
Cash
Porridge
Phone charger
Nuts
Tissues
Tea bags
Vaseline
Hand cream
The list goes on... my work colleagues think I'm crazy.

I only use the stuff occasionally* (mainly because I've got a butt load of stuff in my handbag and coat pockets too!) but it's helps calm me down on those days I just haven't got it together on time.

The one thing I'm really bad at remembering is my meds, so I've got some of everything I need in all the important places- work, home, the car, my handbag.  That way I've nearly always got some to hand. I find this a real good way to compensate for poor memory.

How do you cope on a day to day basis with being so forgetful?

*who am I kidding, I'm rooting through that drawer on a daily basis!

You've gotta outrun the slowest one, unless you're really tasty

Anyone else get the urge to run like hell when they see someone else running? No? Just me? Surely not!

Ha yesterday I was walking into town with my son from school when this guy came running up the hill from behind us. "Ruuuunnnnn" I yelled as I started charging up the hill after this guy. So there we were, me and my son legging it up the hill past all the shops after this guy, my son looking at me in horror. I figured I better put this all into context for him, wanting him to know the seriousness of the situation.

"We just gotta outrun the slowest guy"

With that my son turned around and seeing no one behind us stopped dead in his tracks, and the guy in front ran into the estate agents. My son just stood there with that look on his face. You know, that same look the cat gives you when you crawl around the floor after him meowing. A mix of disappointment and pity.

Jeeze what is with kids these days. If some guy comes running past me I'm not about to wait around to find out what the crap he is running from. You've gotta outrun the slowest person, unless of course they're super skinny or you are super tasty looking.

For the record, it may have been a tiger. We live near a zoo. I'm not taking any chances.

I couldn't find any pictures of our tigers so you'll have to make do with this little fella I snapped the other day. Just pretend he has stripes. And a big tail. And says grrrrr a lot.

Grrr I'm a tiger. Promise. 

Maybe I should just stop talking

Do you ever go to speak, or you're mid sentence and you just have a brain fart and a load of non coherent garbage spews out of your speakhole?

You're one of the lucky ones if you even realise what you just said made no sense whatsoever. Or if the person you're with is drunk enough not to realise what you just said.

The trick is just to hold your head up high and carry on like it didn't happen. No sir I did not just ask you to file the cupboard from the collects. That would make no sense at all. And I definitely did not just ask my son to hands his soap because the oven is in the dinner.

Those puzzled looks you get? That's just wonder in amazement at your brilliance. You've created a language of your own and it's so awesome you're just replacing the English language with it.

Processing disorder for me comes and goes. On a daily basis I don't tend to notice too much, and I can even laugh at some of the stupid things that come out of my mouth when I do. It can be crippling at times though. Especially when you have something important to do like an interview or a presentation.
I find practice (and copious amounts of alcohol) can help a lot. Learning what you want to say off by heart helps to reduce nerves which is when my mouth can really have a mind of it's own. Stress really sets it off and can even prevent me from speaking full stop. It's like someone has borrowed my voice* but forgot to send me a memo, or I ran out of voice battery.

I know a lot of you will get what I'm saying. It can be pretty lonely, frustrating, and soul destroying (especially when you're in the middle of an interview for a job that you really really want - yup been there done that). It has certainly taken it's toll on my confidence.

A few things have helped me lately when I've had what I like to call a brain fart.
Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths. Press that reset button**. And start again.

You got this.

*how awesome would it be to be able to borrow someone else's voice for a few hours. Dibs on Morgan Freeman!

**location varies between models

Overthonking, like overthinking but being in the know

Am I the only one that thinks my cats can understand what I'm saying and can read my thoughts?
I'll call one over to the sofa and then feel bad that the other one will think I love this one more. So I make a big deal of telling the other cat that they are welcome too but that they're probably better off where they are next to the radiator because it's warmer. But now the other cat is going to be thinking that I'm just saying that so that she won't come over as I don't really want her to sit with me, and the cat on my knee is thinking h's not good enough because I'm trying to get the other cat to come sit with me instead. I seriously overthonk* things.

I often think my husband can hear what my head voices are saying too. I've tried to test that theory on a few occasions by saying something really gross or awful. He never even flinches but I thinks that's all part of his game.

*that was a typo but I left it because why not? Overthonk is a way cooler word than overthink. It's like overthinking, but for crazy people who know they're overthinking but still can't stop. World, you're welcome.